Tinnitus - it won't get you out of doing the hoovering...

So today's self-awareness moment is this. I can't get out of hoovering because of my tinnitus.

One of the results of writing this blog is that I'm focusing not only on the tinnitus itself, but also the potential out there to make it worse. Take for instance the new studio I'm building, where I'll be DJing and editing out of site in the house (rather than taking up the spare bedroom). It's a sound-proofed room, it's (almost) air-tight, and it's a very close space. This means that most sounds are very dead, but also in an odd way - amplified.

So simple things like drilling, hammering or even sawing when I'm building this room take on a new level of loudness. It did occur to me that maybe I should pop in an ear plug or something when doing all of these - but surely a drill for 30 seconds isn't going to make things worse is it? Well, last night, lying in bed, starting at the ceiling, I've got to say there was a point increase in the level of my tinnitus. Was it due to the drilling etc, was it due to having a hot bath? Or was it actually just the same, but I wanted it to be worse.

Why? So I could get out of doing the hoovering. Although I've was instantly told that I'd be hoovering no matter what, and that using tinnitus as an excuse was about as strong as saying I didn't want to scare the cats...

Now, some may think that this is all a little flippant - but this is the crux of this entire blog for me - it's how I deal with my tinnitus. I posted a reply to a comment elsewhere on here that as I know I'm 100% responsible for my tinnitus, and it was just my stupidity that led me to keep on playing the drums with music blaring as loud as possible, play concerts and practise sessions without earplugs, and DJ in clubs over and over without any protection whatsoever - if I were to really dwell on this, I would probably go completely the other way, and be very down, very depressed, and very angry with myself for what I've done to my ears.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very sad (and mildly angry) at the teenage John who thought he was invincible, but I choose not to go down that path too far. It's here, it's not going to go away, and (currently) I'm dealing with it to the best of my ability - and it's only affecting my night's sleep, all other parts of my life are 'dealable'.

So when I talk to people about my tinnitus, it's never with a cloud of doom or sorrow, or even would I accept the pity from them (oddly, when I told my mum, she had that head-cocked 'awwww' look on her face) - I choose just to live with it, deal with it, and as a coping strategy, try to add some (ill-conceived) humour when describing my situation to others.